The History of Me

I was born into this world on November 29, 1988 to a mother I do not remember, a father who was in jail at the time, and a grandmother who’s heart got the best of her and wanted to keep me for her own along with my other two blood siblings my birth mother had already had not too long before myself. But my real parents stepped into the picture, the parents others sometimes call “adoptive parents.” In my mind, these are my real parents since birth. After all, they are the ones who raised me and who I love very much. My parents adopted me at two months old, after my grandmother tried to raise me with the other two blood siblings. I’m grateful that her and my birth mother was brave enough and selfless enough to give me up to a family who could give me so much more than they were capable of at the time. Because of their actions, and because of my sweet parents Rick and Amy, who took me into their home and had longed for me, I am now part of a forever family. I was sealed to my parents and my older brother Scott in the Los Angeles, California temple. What a special day that was! My parents adopted five of us, myself being the second oldest and first girl, so we were all sealed in different temples to our family for all time and eternity. All five of us children, along with my parents, make up a unique family that is for sure! There is Scott who’s 27, me who is turning 24 in a couple weeks, my sister Lauren who’s 19, Taylor who’s 18, and Susannah or Susy as we call her who is 18 as well. The last 3 are only 14 months apart; Taylor and Susy, only 4 months apart. Growing up, I was very blessed. I have always lived a blessed life thanks to the efforts, dedication, and hard work of those who love and support me and my family; especially my parents. Looking back, I realize how amazing it is that my dad was able to work with his PhD at the same company his entire life after earning his degree. We never had to worry about money which was a huge blessing. He gave our family stability. He was always a worthy patriarch and head of our home, and always provided for us not only physically but emotionally as well. My mom was able to stay at home full time with us, and never once worked outside of the home. But I guess with five kids, she also really didn’t have a choice. :) I’m sure there are days she would have loved to work outside of the home, believe me! There was never a dull moment in my home. And that’s the way I loved it. Each of us had very different personalities, so there was always some sort of chaos going on because we loved to tease each other, and to let our sparkling personalities shine through. For as long as I can remember, I was a social butterfly. When we moved from Ann Arbor, Michigan to Saline, Michigan, right before my eighth birthday, I remember I was so excited that there were girls my age next door to me, and two doors down. These girls; Eileen and Meagan Creutz and Allison Cody, who were all my age, became my best friends from the time we moved into that beautiful suburb. We are still friends today. I remember countless hours playing outdoors with them, swimming in our lake, jumping on our trampoline, taking bike rides, playing “spy,” switching from swing set to swing set between our yards, causing mischief, having sleepovers, shooting hoops, and most of all, being kids together. It’s so nice that I was able to actually be a kid and didn’t have to grow up too fast. I was pretty worry free. My childhood years are ones I will always look back with on fondness; especially the summers. Summers were the best! We girls always had sleepovers on my trampoline in our backyard, and we were allowed to stay out late catching fireflies, playing old school games such as “No Bears out Tonight,” and “Kick the Can,” and the warm summer air was always delightful in Michigan. School was always fun for me. I looked forward to it every year. I know that sounds insane because most people dread school, but since I was Miss. Social, I really loved making new friends and being around other children for the majority of the day. Classes came easy for me, until I hit high school. That’s when I started putting my social life above my academic life, something I wish I never would have done, but that taught me many life lessons along the way. This isn’t to say I did terrible in all my classes; quite the opposite actually. I just could have put forth a lot more effort into studying, and especially into my math classes. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, high school was an entirely new experience to me. I wasn’t one of those kids who didn’t know anything that was going on in the world, but I was a bit sheltered which I find a positive thing. So meeting so many new types of people, who said and did so many things I would never want to do myself, was interesting for me. I stuck to my testimony and my faith though, and am proud to say I made it through high school without ever taking a sip of alcohol, a drug, a cigarette, etc. Peer pressure was never an issue for me because I had a conscience that would never let me forget I was a daughter of God who had made promises to Him, and it also never let me forget where I wanted to end up; in the temple marrying a worthy young man. We will get to that part later. In high school, I participated in sports; soccer which I quit after my freshman year, and volleyball which I played throughout high school, but only for my school team, Saline High School, my freshman year. Lacking confidence compared to the other players, mostly based off my towering height of 5’3 compared to midgets who were 5’9, etc. I didn’t want to try out any longer because I was scared to be cut. If you’re reading this, don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. Go for the gold, go for what you want to do and what makes you happy! Tuesday late night volleyball was so fun for me and a favorite experience I shared with my dad. My dad organized a group of experienced players mostly from his work, his volleyball friends (he played volleyball at U of A during his college years so he took this quite seriously), and a few from the ward. We would all play together on Tuesday nights and it was the best volleyball I have ever been able to play; so much fun! I still miss Tuesday nights at home with my dad and those volleyball players, even though I’m about to turn 24. They’re memories I’ll cherish forever. We always played after youth activity night. I loved being a part of my youth group. My absolute best friends were in my youth group at the time; Laura Miller who is now Laura Doria, Danielle Magleby who is now Danielle Green, and Kelsey Crowley who is now Kelsey Bednarski. Since we had such amazing leaders all the time, and since my best friends were with me, youth night was one of the highlights of my week. I loved being in Young Women’s especially through my high school years. It gave me that extra strength I needed to make it through those years. Music is a part of who I am. Music makes me feel alive. It’s always been this way. I started piano lessons at the mature age of two. Yes, you read that correctly; two years old. My teacher who I switched to probably at age five, Mrs. Gail Barnes, was phenomenal. She was truly an inspiration to me. It’s thanks to her that my musical abilities are where they are at today. Piano was literally a part of my everyday life. My mom was a dedicated piano mom who would have me practice 30 minutes a day when I was younger, and moved it to 45 minutes or an hour a day. It was a pain at the time when I wanted to be out with the “other kids” who didn’t have to take or practice piano, but it was one of the greatest blessings my parents have ever given me; the opportunity to develop my musical talents. Singing is probably my favorite pastime. I was enrolled in private voice lessons starting in seventh grade and going through high school, and I started choir in fifth grade and kept going through high school. Singing is what set me free. I was able to express myself in ways that I wasn’t able to otherwise. It allowed me to make connections with music and with those around me. It opened an entire new world to me. Choir was always an adventure. My best friend Laura was in it with me and it was my favorite class every year of high school. We were blessed to be under the direction of Norma Freeman, a phenomenal choir director. Singing with the choir gave me a sense of unity and creativeness that I could not have obtained elsewhere. To this day I am constantly singing. I wish I did more of it though, especially performances. I miss performing solos and group singings. Because of my love for music and vocals I am a musical lover. Les Miserable is my favorite ever since my parents took me to see it when I was twelve. My entire life, I have always been cautious and a bit unsettled I guess is what you would say. It’s something my parents noticed in me since I was a baby; literally. I always like to know I am safe, and I also tend to play it safe. I don’t like the unknown, and I love to be reassured that things will always turn out fine. This has been both a huge blessing and a curse. Yes, it has kept me from doing things I would have regretted, and probably from breaking bones along the way and some physical pain, but it has also limited to me. So I have made an effort to try and live a little bit more without fear that I so often hold. For example, you will think this is silly, but I am scared to go in the ocean. Living in California for over three years now, that’s just weird in my mind. But I make up these fears in my head; I am terrified of a sting ray, jelly fish, or shark, attacking me! So this summer, whenever my husband Tanner and I would go to the beach, I would always go in with him for a few minutes, as long as I could handle it. Eventually I would get scared, and come back in, but the point is I’m taking baby steps to overcome a habit; of living on the “safe side” that I have practiced my entire life. 2009 was the best year of my life up to date. January of 2009, after being off track from Brigham Young University of Idaho, I went back to school. The decision was one that I felt strongly about, even though it had been tempting to stay home because I wasn’t really feeling going back to school at the time. I soon found out why I had needed to go back. Only a few days after returning to school, my friend Daniel VanDeventer at the time, introduced me to his roommate Tanner Walker. Let me just say at first sight, I was already interested in Tanner. He was well built, clean cut, and had a million dollar smile. I told Dan immediately, and he always teased us. For example, one day, a group of us were over at Dan’s apartment and he said we were going to watch a movie but it had to go boy girl boy girl on the couch. He took it a step further and made sure Tanner and I were sitting next to each other. Dan just loved playing match maker and made it so fun and not awkward at all! Note my sarcasm? I remember Tanner put his arm around me to make it more cozy, and Dan later told me Tanner thought I was beautiful and had wanted to get to know me better as well. I remember after he had put his arm around me, and the group had finished the movie, in front of everyone when we my girlfriend and I were leaving, I faced Tanner directly and said in a bold voice, “So are you going to get my number or what?” Tanner said that this was one of his favorite things about me and the things that most attracted him to me so quickly was my confidence and the fact that I went for what I wanted. He said he loved that I wasn’t nervous or scared and was so bold to make that move! I also remember the girlfriend I was with after we left their apartment telling me she also thought Tanner was cute. I thought to myself, “Not a chance. Find your own man!” I had already made up my mind that I was going to date Tanner Walker. I loved that I had just turned 20 and he had just turned 25. It was comforting to know I was interested in a boy that would hopefully be more mature than me for a change. Soon, Tanner and I were hanging out every evening after classes and homework. It was so much fun! We had fun doing the simplest things and I knew he was who I wanted to marry. I remember probably after two weeks or three of hanging out with Tanner, I came home and said to my roommates, “I’m going to marry that boy one day!” All of my roommates said don’t they all wish they could? They also weren’t sure if I was serious or not but I told them I definitely was. They thought he was perfect, and they always had crushes on him and his brother Scott who also lived with him and would visit our apartment often, even dating one of my roommates for a bit that semester. The girls all said they wanted a “Tanner” or a “Walker” boy. And I don’t blame them! I had never met anyone like Tanner. I noticed from the beginning he was very pure. He never talked badly of anyone and nobody ever had anything negative to say about him. I honestly can say I never saw him in a bad mood at all. We never fought because he’s so easy going and happy. I often say his happiness reminds me of a child’s because the littlest things make his day. I love it! He was a perfect gentleman; which is rare these days and something I had never before experienced. I knew I was falling fast for Tanner. And to be quite honest it terrified me to no end! With every other boy I ever dated or even hung out with, I was over him in a week even if he wasn’t over me. It was a serious problem. But then with Tanner, I couldn’t get enough. The day we said, “I love you,” was one that I will never forget. My roommates knew I loved Tanner. They could sense it. One of them started bugging me and the rest joined in. They said they would lock me out of the apartment if I went the whole night without letting Tanner know that I loved him. They helped me see the urgency in doing this because the semester was ending in a couple of weeks, and Tanner would be staying at home while I would be going back to Michigan. I knew what I had to do. My heart has never beat so hard as it has when we were spending the evening at the duck pond, our favorite place to feed the ducks and hang out at. I was so giggly because I was so nervous. Tanner kept asking me what was so funny. I told him, “Nothing, there’s just something I need to talk to you about.” He said he already knew what it was. After some bantering he said, “You want to tell me you love me.” I was shocked! He said, “I love you too!” It was amazing! I said it and he said it! I had never felt so happy in my life and such a sense of relief! He said he had loved me for a while but didn’t want to put pressure on me or have things feel rushed because he knew I wasn’t used to commitment. That same night, general conference weekend in April, we decided where and when we wanted our wedding. We were “engaged” in May after he talked to my dad and flew out to spend a week with my family, but he actually proposed on one knee to me at Mt. Timpanogos temple grounds after a fancy dinner, in June in Utah, because that’s when my ring was ready. Being in love with Tanner is still my favorite thing. He makes loving him easy. Tanner and I were married August 14, 2009 in the Mt. Timpanogos temple. To date, it has been the best and happiest day of my entire life. Being sealed to him forever is what my heart had always wanted and I knew I had started on the journey to a forever family with him. Adding to our family will also be a very happy day in our lives. Our little girl is on her way and will be here April 22, 2013. She will be our first bundle of joy sent from heaven and we cannot wait!